10:26:00 AM
Monday, February 27, 2006
Yee-yay...been tagged by Jas wo~~~ Not that such stuff appeals to me lah...but 反正闲着也是闲着 you know =P
The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their pages saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.
Sex: Male (yes! Look at Vann =O)
Qualities:1) 有主见- I HATE people who stick to their friends like glue and seek VALUABLE advices from them like what to eat for recess or whether they should go to the toilet now or later. =[ Are such decisions so hard to make that you need affirmation? And imagine going out with such a guy? 喋血?! At least a guy should be more to the 大男人 side during dates lah...2) Has a relatively high EQ and IQ - Empty vessels who blabber crap non-stop at the wrong place at the wrong time are all condemned by me. e.g. to be concerned about the RMB60 is so RELEVANT!!!3) 稳重踏实- Really, people living in their world can continue doing so. I absolutely cannot conform with a 不食人间烟火 life.4) Belongs to the same frequency as me - I can't afford spending time to switch to the same channel as him when we talk. To have common topics or thinkings are not much to ask for I guess. 谈得来很重要吧?5) NOT 重色轻友- Friendship and love hold the same weight to me wo~~~6) Has a sense of humour - Not a dry one please. To be able to appreciate 冷笑话 is a 必要本领 k...But lame guys sound wrong.7) Keeps to his words - Promises are meant to be kept neh! =) 8) (I'm squeezing all my brain juices till this stage) Am punctual - If I were to spent a great deal of my 青春 waiting for tardy people I might as well be alone ya?Bleah...That was the BEST I could come up with...Maybe I'll edit it in time to come =P
P.S. Seems like most people in my contact list are tagged =X Gonna tag my secondary school friends then...Gotta go search for their blog addys...
7:29:00 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
It was during a certain LEP P1 class last year that I first came across this story. I had been intrigued by the immense loss and regret faced by the writer then. It's the same feeling as 天长地久有时尽,此恨绵绵无绝期, but expressed in a subtle manner.
I never thought much about it soon after. But when 林老师 brought up this piece this year, I was again overwhelmed by the strong underlying emotions.
In case you want me to shut up and tell you what the hell is this story (I think all of you can't wait to strangle me), here goes...
《永远的蝴蝶》陈启佑
那时候刚好下着雨,柏油路面湿冷冷的,还闪烁着青、黄、红颜色的灯光,我们就在骑楼下躲雨,看绿色的邮筒孤独地站在街的对面,我白色风衣的大口袋里有一封要寄给在南部的母亲的信。樱子说她可以撑伞过去帮我寄信。我默默地点头,把信交给她。
“谁叫我们只带来一把小伞哪。”她微笑着说,一面撑伞,准备过马路去帮我寄信。从她伞骨渗下来的小雨点溅在我眼镜玻璃上。
随着一阵煞车声,樱子的一生轻轻飞起来,缓缓地,飘落在湿冷的街面,好像一只夜晚的蝴蝶。虽然是春天,好像已是深秋了。
她只是过马路帮我寄信。这简单的动作却要教我终身难忘了,我缓缓睁开眼,茫然站在骑楼下,眼里裹着烫烫的泪水,世上所有的车子都停了下来,人潮涌向马路和中央,没有人知道那躺在街面的,就是我的蝴蝶。这时她只离我五公尺,竟是那么遥远。更大的雨点溅在我的眼镜上,溅到我的生命里来。
为什么呢?只带一把雨伞?
然而我又看到樱子空着白净的风衣,撑着伞,静静地过马路了。她是要帮我寄信的,那,那是一封写给在南部的母亲的信,我茫然站在骑楼下,我又看到永远的樱子走到街心。其实雨下得并不大,却是一生一世中最大的一场雨。而那封信是这样写的,年轻的樱子知不知道呢?
妈:我打算在下个月和樱子结婚。I won't go into the analysis or writing techniques (honestly I've done so much of it in class I'm starting to lose the initial feelings evoked). Interestingly, 庄老师 had played a song which lyrics coincidentally (who knows?) matches the story and left me rather depressed after listening to it.
走在雨中齐秦当我走在凄清的路上
天空正飘着濠濠细雨
在这寂寞黯淡的暮色里
想起我们相别在雨中
不禁悲从心中生
当我独自徘徊在雨中
大地弧寂沉没在黑夜里
雨丝就像她柔软的细发
深深系住我心的深处
分不清这是雨还是泪
记起我们相见在雨中
那微微细雨
落在我们头发上 啊~
往事说不尽
就像山一样高
好像海一样深
甜蜜绮丽彩虹般美丽往事
说不尽就像山一样高
好像海一样深
甜蜜绮丽彩虹般美丽往事It's about when the writer walks alone in the rain years after the accident, the sorrow and melancholy he will experience by himself. *WAILS LOUDLY*
On an ending note, departure can be beautiful, depending on how you look at it.
11:48:00 AM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
望春风
陶喆独夜无伴守灯下清风对面吹十七八岁未出嫁想着少年家果然标志面肉白谁家人子弟想要问伊惊坏势心里弹琵琶谁说女人心难猜欠个人来爱花开当折直需摘青春最可爱自己买花自己戴爱恨多自只要人生不重来何不放开怀Heh...Another one of David Tao's songs, a slightly more popular one since it's a partly re-written version of an old Hokkien song (the 1st 2 stanzas are the original Hokkien lyrics).
FYI, I don't listen to Hokkien songs wo~~~ Besides songs that feature some Hokkien phrases like the renowned '天黑黑 (Ti Or Or)' and this song, I don't indulge in dialect songs. Btw my mom loves this song like hell...she was singing at the top of her voice when she SAW (I wonder what happens if she heard it) the title somewhere. haiz.
Sometimes I prefer oldies and even country songs to contemporary music. But I know nuts about guitar!!! *sobs* And my sis pissed me off that day when she told me they are learning guitar strumming in school instead of the lousy recorder...
FATE IS CRUEL!!!Speaking of which, I fancy a song called 'Inside of My Guitar'. Heard it before?
Inside of My GuitarBellamy BrothersNow there's a place I want to show youDon't you know it's not too farAnd there's a place I want to know youInside of my guitarIn my guitar there is a gardenWhere rainbows bloom and shine like starsIf you say no, I beg your pardonCome inside of my guitarI'll make you laughAnd make you singAnd we can play among the starsAnd we'll make loveDance beneath the stringsInside of my guitarNow there's a feeling that I'm afterSo please don't think my love's bizarreBut I hear music, girl and laughterInside of my guitar
3:26:00 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Saw simin's entry and remembered that I once read this book (borrowed from miao =D) called 'Channel A: 那年的夢想' by 陈小娴. In the very first chapter, a DJ asked a similar question to “如果能回到过去,你会想要停在什么时候?”
I wonder how many of us ever asked ourselves this question. I always believed that 当你开始怀念过去,一定是因为从前比现在美好。
Maybe when I saw Vanness in the Star Runner Premiere? Fine, he was on the stage and I was at the fifth row...from the back =( And the cinema was ultra dark and the only time I could make out his features properly was when the reporters' camera flashlights collide for the few pathetic seconds and happen to cast upon his face. haiz. Don't remind me. He only stayed for 20 mins.
In fact, I don't want to know Vanness. Dreams and reality don't overlap. Just like when you've been yearning for something that seems so distant and one day, you manage to possess it, the desire fades out in no time. Who knows if I get to meet up with Vanness one day? I might stop liking him after that. It's this out-of-reach feeling that keeps your dreams alive and the fantasy burning.
I don't really have an answer in mind, though I tried to recollect all my past doings and attempted to place a finger on a significant moment I would like to return to. But perhaps I led a carefree and biantai life all along (man, ever see me so truthful?), I was unable to locate a specific time in life. For one, I NEVER want to go back to primary school...NOR did my secondary school life look appealing...hence my current state is relatively the best =) I can't say for my toddler's years, since my memories couldn't reach so far back.
Give me another ten years or so...maybe I can come up with an answer then.
1:52:00 PM
二十二陶喆
春天是它最爱的季节当微风随意吹乱他的头发他并不在意身边世界的吵杂只想著自己生命中的变化还有十五分钟才午休从早到晚没有想像中那么好过安定的日子不一定就是幸福忘不掉他在心里做过的梦他今年农历三月六号刚满二十二刚甩开课本要离开家看看这世界却发现许多烦恼要面对他常会希望能回到那年他一十二只需要好好上学生活单纯没忧愁他就像一朵蓓蕾满怀希望秋天是忽然间就来临青春虽然有本钱可以洒脱一场恋爱二十二个月就结束才知道有些感情不值得赌九月天气还是有点热他想公车再不来就走一走路他开始明白等待未必有结果一个人也能走上梦的旅途他今年农历三月六号刚满二十二刚甩开课本要离开家看看这世界却发现许多烦恼要面对他常会希望能回到那年他一十二只需要好好上学生活单纯没忧愁他一直满怀希望人生偶尔会走上一条陌路像是没有指标的地图别让它们说你该知足只有你知道什么是你的幸福他常会希望能回到那年他一十二只需要好好上学生活单纯没忧愁他笑著想过未来它应该得到幸福如此的简单的梦有没有实现……Not exactly a hit (fine, it's even one of David Tao's 冷门 songs...), but I am fond of the lyrics and the simple strumming of background guitar. It's about one of those phases in life we all have to go through: where we first step into society feeling lost and starts to have reminiscences of the past when life was innocent and gay (not THAT gay =P).
Ha...I always wonder what is it like when the time comes for me to stand on my own feet and 自食其力. I am quite apprehensive at the thought of having to live off myself, since my first two jobs were disastrous =X.
But that day will come somehow...and I guess, whatever will be will be.
2:20:00 PM
Monday, February 20, 2006
Funny how the way our opinions change.
There are bound to be people whom we chance upon as potential bosom friends. When we finally blossom to that stage, it dies out and eventually settles down back at the acquaintance level, or perishes. Or people whom we get dissed off at the initial moment, only to realise the hidden ability for us to clique as time goes by. Usually, we end up walking a long way down the road together.
I guess we just don't remain the same.
FYI, I have a bad primary school record:
At primary one, my form teacher hated me to the core because I was talkative and at one point of time, 'indulged' in spitting at classmates. haiz. Was that true? I don't quite remember. Maybe a sticking out of tongue or a slight puking gesture at each other was perceived otherwise. But honestly, I was mischievous =P
At primary two, I sort of defied my teacher. Reason simply: I did something wrong and she wanted to punish me by hitting my palm with a wooden ruler. Instinctively, I shunned. And she hit herself =D hohoho...*evil laughter* But those were the days =)
At primary four, I kena my pri. 1 form teacher as my Chi teacher and some shitty ass as my form teacher. It dawned on me on the 1st day of school that I was getting short sighted since I couldn't figure out the 鬼画幅 on the blackboard despite the mere distance from my seat. And I didn't really dare tell my mum cuz I once swore to the heavens that I will NEVER EVER in my life end up wearing specs. Oops. Somehow, she found out (1/2 a year later) when I couldn't see the subtitles on TV and was squinting like hell. And the eye checkup showed that I was already 400 degrees myopic. Oops. 6 months of inability to see the board saw the deteroriation of my grades, so naturally my mid-year results were EXCELLENT. I didn't dare let my mum know and being a P4 idiot, there were loopholes in the lies to my SMART teachers, so my mum gotten my exam papers straight from them. Oops. I had a great taste of 炒粿条 that night. My P4
nightmare paradise ended on a good note when I tumbled into a P5 class without the 2 ass teachers.
Nothing much happened after that...Perhaps I was scared stiff by the then primary school education system? =P
Heh...Crescent life was not that smooth sailing either. Based on the fact that I was in the BEST CCA EVER (NCC), and I ENJOYED EVERY PRACTICE, TOTALLY ADORED MARCHING and LOVED CHEERING WITH MY HEART AND SOUL, I was HAPPY. Ha...I did have wonderful friends and 超级变态死党 there, but since my studies ROCKS and my CCA is MY ONE TRUE LOVE, I was having THE TIME OF MY LIFE. Trust me lah...Honestly, I was reluctant to graduate. And believe me, I cried like shit when I passed out from NCC. I think no matter how much you hate something, you will grow attached to it someway or another.
If benjamin cheah/Ninja was to lay dead in the middle of the classroom one day, I will feel sorry for him. Unless killed by me =D
Anyway, back to the point, 人是会变的. I no longer do dumb things like attempting to hide exam marks and pray that my parents will never find out, I don't join stupid CCAs and suffer like hell and neither was I as strong-headed before to swear to anything. (But I swear I will never become a transverstite =D)
As for judging people and maintaining relationships with them, I just got a long way to go.
8:15:00 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Warning: Refrain from reading this post if you are
-- anti Korean dramas
-- anti soppy love serials
-- anti love-hate-death storylines
Just finished watching 这该死的爱 aka 'A Love to Kill' starring Rain & Shin Min Ah. Below is a brief synopsis, read it if you want...
Kang Bo Ku (Rain), a pugilist who juggles part time odd jobs, leads a sloppy lifestyle with a group of 猪朋狗友. He commits himself whole-heartedly to Han Ta Jeung, a girl who got scarred while risking her own life to save him from a fire years ago, even though in the absence of love.
One day, Bo Ku reunites with his long-lost brother of 10 years and while drinking together outside the latter's penthouse, Bo Ku witnessed his brother jump off the building after chancing upon a news clip broadcasted on the 电子看板, that is, the engagement of Korea's top star, Cha Eun Suk (Shin Min Ah), and the heir of Kim Holdings, Kim Jun Song.
Overwhelmed with shock and sorrow that his brother is now reduced to a vegetable, together with the discovery of photos of Cha Eun Suk and his brother taken years back, Bo Ku assumed that the former abandoned his brother to establish her acting career for fame and wealth. Through means and ways, he became her personal bodyguard in the name of revenge: to make her fall in love with him, then desert her; the exact way she treated his brother.
As time goes by, Bo Ku understands that Eun Suk's engagement was a cover-up after being caught together with Kim Jun Song in an accidental suggestive act; and in order to protect both parties' from the media limelight, they resorted to a loveless engagement (though the latter found himself attracted to Eun Suk gradually). Bo Ku moved her heart after a string of events, meanwhile falling for her unwittingly.
On the day of the engagement ceremony, Bo Ku brought Eun Suk on the escape to a remote town. This led to a media uproar as Eun Suk's name is now tarnished since she is seen eloping with her personal bodyguard; furthermore, Eun Suk's public display of love towards Bo Ku saw the downfall of her career.
Upon seeing Eun Suk hopelessly in love with him, Bo Ku unveiled his true motive of getting close to her. While Eun Suk was devastatingly affected, Bo Ku felt lost and remorseful at the same time. He later realised that Eun Suk's mother was the tripping stone between Eun Suk and his brother and that she was a victim herself.
Eun Suk dedicated her time looking after Bo Ku's brother, who's condition took a turn for the better. Though the love between them was long dead, Eun Suk felt obliged to take care of him. On the other hand, Bo Ku suppressed his love for her and sought solace in Ta Jeung.
Bo Ku's brother passed away after a sudden drastic deterioration, which dealt a big blow to both Bo Ku and Eun Suk. Now, even with the largest barrier gone, both were unable to face up to the love between them as they harbour apologetic feelings towards Bo Ku's brother. In addition, Bo Ku felt it difficult to forsake Ta Jeung, while Eun Suk had Jun Song standing by her all the time; they then decided to go their ways and be with their respective other.
A year later, Eun Suk regained her position as Korea's top star and is once again engaged to Kim Jun Song; while Bo Ku settled down with a decent car-washing job though things didn't work out with Ta Jeung.
Out of the blue moon, Kim Jun Song payed a surprise visit to Bo Ku in hope that Eun Suk, who had suddenly gone missing for two days, had went to look for him. Upon hearing Jun Song's words, Bo Ku sprang to the snowy woods. He recalled that Eun Suk once mentioned that she longed to go to the deepest woods where no one can find her.
Bo Ku's desperate calls for Eun Suk in the woods were finally requited when he caught sight of her lifeless body in the snow dumps. He enveloped her in his arms, trying in vain to keep her snug. Eun Suk, who had long lost consciousness, lay in the embrace of Bo Ku for the whole night.
At daybreak, Bo Ku's hand finally gave way and fell limply by the side. Just then, Eun Suk's eyes struggled open for a few seconds before she closed them again with a peaceful smile. The two of them fell into an eternal slumber, all because of a love that kills.
I believe that the above synopsis is hardly enough for you to feel anything for the protagonists, that is, if you haven't fallen asleep by now =X. (Pardon me for any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, vocabulary limitations or excessive repetition: I suck at writing such stuff.)
As you can see, the story is about falling in love with the person you are taking revenge on, which is a destined tragedy and also a 老掉牙 topic. Mostly I thought the way the series was filmed was special, since there were many overlapping shots and dangling scenes that only unwrap at a later part. And the 无奈 of loving someone when you know it will end up as 一场空 is simply 真该死.
However, there's something I cannot conform to: you dedicate yourself to someone because of obligations or duties, thereby forsaking the one you truly love. That is plain stupidity and selfishness. And in this particular story, it happened not once, but thrice.
It is dumb. So so dumb. When you love a person, you let him/her go to lead a happier life even at the sake of your own happiness. But when you let him/her go because you have your own obligations and your loved one in turns suffers more than you, what is that called?
I guess while love not necessarily reigns supreme, to sacrifice it for something of a lower rank is not worth it. Yes, wow, you're taking responsible. Then what? You end up feeling empty and your loved one another equally hollow soul. And in the long run, the person you commit yourself to is but an unloved puppet.
Love. Love. Love. What a tumultuous word.
7:59:00 AM
It was grave,
that matter.
You let loose the defiant desire
Allowing it to frolic about the hem of the torso
Of the naked affair
Torn facade,
lays stark.
So ugly was the head that steered
Its monstrous face; charging, looming, impending
Discreet silent killer
Angel's halo,
scavenged.
2:12:00 PM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Today is Valentine's Day.
I gave out pencils with dangling stars, sweets and chocs today.
I heard YJ is going out with his gf tonight and their going to have a time of their life.
I know friends that have a significant other who makes Valentine's Day special and wonderful and memorable.
--
I know Soo is going out with her bian tai friends to celebrate the state of being single souls.
I have friends who send greeting messages that are currently unattached.
Who says...you need a Valentine to enjoy V day?
1:51:00 PM
I hate my class. A whole big bunch of smart ass-es. urgh.
The average of my class' L1R5 is 9--10. What the heck. And the worst of the lot is like 13? (Oh yes, this crazy nut who came in using 'rugby' for 1st 3 months with 34 pts. ended up with 31 pts. for 'O's...but he can be counted out I guess). OK, I am so bloody jealous. Imagine being in a class where 5 out of 10 people tell you they've gotten 9/10, 2 out of 10 tell you they've gotten 7/8, and when you are about to rejoice that the rest got 11--13, you realise they have like 3--4 bonus pts. so they all somehow qualify for some premier schools. Kill me.
Yes, my dream came through that the turnover rate is going to be bloody high, since only 4 people intend to stay in NY, that is, these 2 non-Singaporean guys that already took their 'O's last year, a repeat student, and yours truly. Great. ALL THE REST ARE GOING ELSEWHERE AND I SHOULD BE REJOICING BUT I AM FEELING SO 'SOUR GRAPES' NOW. It's just that you see all of them in school everyday, being kiddish and immature and unexposed to little things; sometimes incompetent in presentations or project work, yet when it comes to academic results, they fare so much better.
I'm beginning to feel inferior. I know I shouldn't be.But when the truth dumps itself at me;My hopes all start to wither.
11:35:00 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Is that good news or what? Heh, I actually get 2 days off, that is, tomorrow and coming Mon, cuz the J1s are getting their 'O' results. Let's just all cross our fingers that they:
either(a) improve drastically and pass their 'O's with
FLYING COLOURS so they will be eligible for some pioneer JCs like HCI or RJ or anything better than NY.or(b) somehow had a waterloo and end up having to move their ass to some other JCs.
BUT DON'Tget the same points as their prelims and the best option is to continue to stay here. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Still, even if the turnover rate is high,
you never know if the J1 cohort will then be better. Bleah =X
--
联合晚报 desparately lacks article I think. Why else will they want to dig into the blog of a puny small fry in Campus Superstar aka an act cute kick-out aka S.T. (not the Straits Times, I have some respect for them)? Who gives a shit to what S.T. says or does or thinks or feels? Hello~ He is but an ordinary NYJCian (sad...) who acted in Tofu Street (what an accomplishment!!!) and somehow (I'm positive something went wrong with Mediacorp's system) managed to squeeze into top 20 of Campus Superstar, but kena kicked out in the 2nd prelim round. Not that I am better than him in any field, but surely a criticism on a blog is not worth almost a full-page story? Get a life man.
Can't the focus be on world news or IMPORTANT/INFLUENTIAL local issues? I'm much more interested to know what kind of birds are more capable of spreading avian flu, what 小S is going to name her daughter next, or even how many miracle cases of people deemed incapable passed their 'O's this year. haiz...
Oh, and if you happen to have the free time, not knowing what else to do but to kill all the cockroaches in your neighbourhood or to count the number of tiles in your house, check out this
blog (read the entry dated 30th January). Trust me, you will realise the supremity and grandeur of your taste.
--
P.S. Jas, I didn't forget about you wo~~~ HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!! Can watch M18 le!!! *cheers hysterically* (Passer-by: (-_-"') Is that your main concern?!)
1:14:00 PM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
heheh...Enjoyed looking at moi Vanness' pics? ha...Chee's complaining like hell=) But simin LOVES it wo~~~ So will stick to it=P
Honestly I never thought that F4 are fabulously good-looking or mouth-watering hunks, or that Meteor Garden is a two thumbs-up serial like what some people say. As a matter of factly, Vanness looked damn gay with his rebonded hair and stuff, though the stupid reason is that he thought he could save time doing up his hair but almost died upon seeing his own straightened locks o_O
HE LOOKS SOOOOOO GAY!!!
And I never thought much of his voice. Really, listening to his album is not exactly an enjoyment I must say. Perhaps his dancing is OK I agree...but his singing needs some *uh-hum* improvement. But at least it's much better than william hung and even ken chu ok!
However, if you happen to listen to the OST of Meteor Garden I/II, it's actually quite marvelous. Some songs that are nice:
-Settling by Tara MacLean (see previous post)
-Almost Over You by Sheena Easton (Miao likes it too=D)
-Broken Vow by Lara Fabian (Was randomnly looking through simin's mp3 player and actually found that song. hohoho...)
-Words by F. R. David (A classic song that I think many knows!)
...so on and so forth.
I think alot of people just don't get what I see in Vanness. heh...Maybe it is his belief in Lord that somehow touches me. Unlike some who are over-reliant on christianity, he is able to find peace at heart and a feeling of security with Lord, henceforth pushing himself forward in times of problems. Sometimes I wish I have that kind of strength to support me from behind too. And the strong bonds he shares with family and friends, how he doesn't take things for granted and cherishes them, I guess I am somewhat attracted to such qualities=)
True, he is not very shuai, his singing is not melodious, and his mandarin is far from perfection. But he's making an effort to improve, trying his best in all his undertakings, and that's what's important.
I couldn't have possibly married the wrong guy, could I? =P
11:04:00 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
SettlingTara MacLeanAm I real, am I true
Am I borrowed, am I blue
Is it just the dust of leaving you
Settling...
Am I fair, am I strong
When I'm there do I belong
It's only skin I touch
When I reach for you
The leaves they fall
They go so far sometimes
Do I blame the wind
Or the tree that let it go
Or do I wave goodbye
Settling...
Do I stay and do I fight
Is it wrong when nothing's right
Is it just the closet light
I leave on for you
So many times I needed you to be strong for me
But you bend beneath the slightest breeze
You have no leaves...
Settling...
Am I real, am I true
Do I stay and do I fight
Is it just the closet light
Is it only skin I touch
Or is it just the dust
Settling...
* click on the song title to listen to it=) really, it's wonderful.
11:38:00 AM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
waiting
sickening annonymous ramming
keeping still
yet in vain
to nonchalant outsiders
cold metallic eyes
callous facade
muted yearning
silent care
whispered carelessly
gone with the wind
dispersed crowd
scattered mirth
waiting
all by myself.